June first.

Well, if you're new to our life (as some of my mommy friends are) then I'm sure by now you've heard me mention my fabulous father in law, Phil.  But you haven't met him.  Because three years ago today, he had a farming accident.  He spent 5 very awful days in the hospital before he died on June 5, 2011.  I don't cry much anymore.  Maybe once a week or so.  I'm easily overcome by emotion when I think about him and the kids.  If you DID know us then, then you know how much he loved my little goobers!  Actually, if you knew him, then he probably had my number one boy with him.  Even at the bar.  Yep, that crazy old man used to take the golf cart and go down (.5 mile) the road to the bar and hang out outside the bar with my baby.  They were inseparable.  And honestly, I had no objection.  There were rules (like no smoking around the baby) but no objections.  In fact, if it's possible, I think he may have loved my son more that I did!
When I remember this particular day, I of course have very very good memory of the things I did and said that day.  What I was doing and where I was when I got the call.  I remember things like sitting in the waiting room with my mom and my sister (I was the first one there) and then my sister in law.  I rember seeing Steve pull up with George and thinking, Steve can take care of John.  So many things I remember so well.  I don't know if that's good or bad.   I think some of the good of it all is that I remember faces of people who were THERE for us.  The ones who helped and provided and got us through that ugly time.  Steve and Crystal Minor.   My God, if these people aren't heaven sent then I just don't know where they came from.  I love Steve like a brother for all he's done for us.  Other people that I immediately think of when I think of this time, my family (ALL of them), Helen Reel, Reita Elks, Brenda Elks, too many to name from the fire department, Alida, Amy, Lizzie Joyner and so many many more.  These are the people you want on your team.  When shit gets real, they're there.
Sometimes people ask me how I survived that year with a baby and a 2 year old.  And the only answer I can really give, "with help".  I don't know either, but I DO know that if all of these people hadn't helped me, and somedays literally held me up, then I wouldn't have.  June 1, 2011, through May 31, 2012 was by far the worst 12 months of my life and I wish that on no one.  But we made it.  We have an amazing guardian angel on our side.
The one thing that changed the most since that day, is that I stopped watching Y&R.  I couldn't care any less about it.  I watched it with Phil.  And I can't do it anymore without him.  Many people aren't aware of our relationship.  He was one of my best friends, I know that's weird.  But it was awesome.  He accepted me with open arms from day one of dating G.  He helped me, he took care of me, he hung out with me when George was working to keep me company.  I miss him every single day.  I am thankful for all of our wonderful memories.  I'm thankful that he and I never missed an opportunity to tell each other that we loved each other.  I loved him and he knew it.  He loved me and I knew it.  I find peace in that.  Make sure if you love someone, they know.